Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
October 31, 2010
File Size
1.0 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
528
Favourites
11 (who?)
Comments
9
Downloads
1

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×
I am chained at the mercy of my own corrupted thoughts.

Bound by a cycle of question and distrust.

These thoughts are like a poison.

My mind falls ill;
My heart weakened.

Yet,
they call to me.

I struggle to focus and push them aside.

Yet,
they call to me.

As I scream at myself,
I must seem foolish and confused.

Yet,
they call to me.

I wish only to hide,
And bad thoughts be forgotten.

Yet,
they call to me.

I sleep now in hope to escape this haunting.

Yet,
they call to me.

Now my dreams interrupted;
There is no relief.

For they call to me...

Heart now racing,
I awaken in screams.

I am chained at the mercy of my own corrupted thoughts.

Bound by a cycle,
Of question,
And distrust...

~PunK Master Chuckie
Wrote this a year or so ago during some bad times.

Too much repetition?
Feedback on title as well would be nice. I just slapped a name on it.

11/5/10: Edited the layout because i think it may have been read wrong or too fast at some points. Plus i fixed a few typos commenters pointed out. Thanks guys!
Add a Comment:
 
:iconaverrose:
averrose Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
The repetition only reinforces the feeling that no matter what these thoughts are persistent and unrelenting in their "attack" on the brain of the speaker. It adds to that sense of impending doom or an explosion of some sort. Usually I'd hate it, but here it added to the mood of the piece :)
Reply
:iconbreedcorruption:
Breedcorruption Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2010
thanks :) makes me feel a bit better ha. I really appreciate all the feed back guys, you have no idea how much i do ha :D
Reply
:iconcaradecunha:
caradecunha Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I liked it!

But I think there is a typo: "As i scream at myself,
I must seem foolish and confused." - The "i" I think should be upper case, sorry if it was intentional.
Reply
:iconbreedcorruption:
Breedcorruption Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2010
Nope that was definately a typo. thanks so much for pointing that out lol :handshake:
Reply
:iconcaradecunha:
caradecunha Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:)
At your service! Hehe.
Reply
:icondistantcricket:
distantcricket Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
One or two less 'Yet, they call to me' other than that it's great :dalove:
Reply
:iconbreedcorruption:
Breedcorruption Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2010
yea i felt like i might have over used it a little :giggle: thanks for tha feedback tho :) much appreciated.
Reply
:iconskull-poet:
Skull-Poet Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2010  Student General Artist
I like repetition I think it works well and holds the poem together, a nice piece.
Reply
:iconbreedcorruption:
Breedcorruption Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2010
Thanks =D always nice to hear.
Reply
Add a Comment: